


League Hell

by doesaugustisgay



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, I tried to keep focus equal among characters but not gonna lie Piers is the main character, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Not mentioned much but he is, Ok maybe Piers is high-key thirsty, Piers is low-key thirsty, Trans Piers, and hops a fuckin nerd (who happens to have a legendary pokemon), bede's an awkward little shit, chatfic, i guess, i just think leon and raihan are gay, is "Hop's Debilitating Self-Esteem Issues" a character, its postgame but leons still champion, maybe more ships and characters in later chapters?, me? making another chatfic? shocking, ship isnt the main focus, spoiler warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21753112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doesaugustisgay/pseuds/doesaugustisgay
Summary: Marnie: uhhh is "hot topic gay" PiersHot Topic Gay: yesMarnie: bro why are you calling yourself thatHot Topic Gay: if you could tell it was me you already know the answer
Relationships: Beet | Bede/Hop, Dande | Leon/Kibana | Raihan, Makuwa | Gordie/Nezu | Piers (Pokemon)
Comments: 121
Kudos: 1078





	1. welcome to hell!

**Author's Note:**

> haha boy... i sure do love my chatfics  
> there will be irl pop culture references. one of their in-chat nicknames is an inside joke between me and my friends. dont think about it too hard its for the sake of funny  
> Also if you didn't see it in the tags I'd like to issue a spoiler warning! You should probably hold off on reading this if you haven't at least gotten through the Champion Cup finals  
> Characters and their chat nicknames so theres no confusion:  
> Bubblegum Bitch: Bede  
> Hydration: Nessa  
> Babyface Bear: Milo  
> TROGDOR: Raihan  
> Hot Topic Gay: Piers  
> Flaming Heart: Kabu  
> Cold as Ice: Melony  
> Sp00ky: Allister

[Leon🏆] added [Bubblegum Bitch] and [Marnie] to [League Hell]

Leon🏆: big year, huh?

Leon🏆: two new gym leaders! Let's welcome them to the chat

Hot Topic Gay: wait do I have to leave since I'm not a gym leader anymore

Hydration: yes

Leon🏆: no, you can stay

Marnie: uhhh is "hot topic gay" Piers

Hot Topic Gay: yes

Marnie: bro why are you calling yourself that

Hot Topic Gay: if you could tell it was me you already know the answer

Bubblegum Bitch: what is this though

Leon🏆: ah, this is the unofficial pokemon league groupchat

TROGDOR: very unofficial

Babyface Bear: yeah we don't really talk about anything important here

Hydration: there's like, meetings and shit for official stuff

Marnie: ughhh I'm gonna have to go to meetings??

Marnie: Piers you didn't tell me I'd have to go to meetings

Hot Topic Gay: well it's too late to do anything now

Hot Topic Gay: if you don't like it find someone else to pawn the job off to

Bubblegum Bitch: that's an option???

Hydration: it's what Opal did to you, right?

Bubblegum Bitch: I guess so… she's ancient, though, she had the right to retire

Opal: Excuse me?

Bubblegum Bitch: I

Bubblegum Bitch: I didn't know you knew how to use a smartphone

Opal: You just keep digging your hole deeper, child

Bubblegum Bitch: I am not a child

Opal: Yes, you are.

Bubblegum Bitch: ok boomer

Opal: …

TROGDOR: lol she went offline

Hydration: shes on her way to go beat Bede to death with her cane

Bubblegum Bitch: probably

Marnie: so

Marnie: just out of curiosity

Marnie: are there any like, big secrets that we get to be privy to now that we're gym leaders

Leon🏆: uhhh

Leon🏆: sorta? at least one

TROGDOR: yeah Leon and I are dating

Marnie: that's...not a secret

Bubblegum Bitch: I fuckin knew that already

Leon🏆: you did???

TROGDOR: really?

TROGDOR: we try to be subtle about it

Hydration: you're not, though, we've told you this many times

Hydration: just because you aren't making out in public doesn't mean you're subtle

Leon🏆: what do you mean by that??

Flaming Heart: Two days ago, Raihan posted a picture online of you two. Maybe you should go look at that if you want to know what we mean.

TROGDOR: what was wrong with it?

Cold As Ice: Leon is literally sitting in your lap in that picture Raihan

TROGDOR: …

TROGDOR: so he was

Cold As Ice: it's not a bad photo or anything but that obviously goes a little further than just guys being dudes

Leon🏆: okay, maybe subtlety isn't our strong suit

Hot Topic Gay: that feels like an understatement, really

Babyface Bear: honestly, guys, I don't know why you feel the need to hide it anyways

Babyface Bear: no one's gonna judge you

Bubblegum Bitch: yeah everyone already knows you two are, y'know

Bubblegum Bitch: "having a champion time" together on a regular basis

Leon🏆: how dare you turn my catchphrase into a euphemism

TROGDOR: it always kinda sounded like one

Hydration: I just thought it sounded dumb

Leon🏆: … I came up with it when I was like 10 gimme a break

Cold As Ice: I just noticed Allister hasn't said a word all day!

Cold As Ice: _@Sp00ky_ why don't you come say hi to the new gym leaders?

Sp00ky: ….

Sp00ky: ...hhhh….

Marnie: uhhh

Marnie: hi?

Leon🏆: he's just shy, he'll warm up to you eventually

Bubblegum Bitch: he's not going to murder us right

Leon🏆: I'm like 99% sure Allister isn't a murderer

Sp00ky: ...things arent always as they seem…

Leon🏆: Oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope yall liked this! i might add more characters if i update this idk,, i probably will update at some point. i'll try, anyways. if nothing else bc i do, at the very least, want to throw my favorite boy Hop into this mess  
> i also only have Shield so idk anything about Bea or Gordie but rest assured they will be in any future chapters


	2. Champions Don't Do Drugs

Leon🏆: hey is it ok if i add someone else to this chat?

Hot Topic Gay: who

Leon🏆: my brother

Bubblegum Bitch: why

Leon🏆: I think he'd like it, and he asked if he could join

Leon🏆: and he's cool!

Bubblegum Bitch: no, he's not

Marnie: shut the fuck up Bede

Marnie. I for one would love to have Hop here!

Leon🏆: awesome, so it's settled!

TROGDOR: the rest of us didn't get to vote

Leon🏆: whatever

[Leon🏆] added [Jump Boi] to [League Hell]

Leon🏆: pls be nice to him

Bubblegum Bitch: no promises

Leon🏆: you'll regret it if you do =)

Bubblegum Bitch: what the fuck are you gonna do? Give me a stern lecture?

Leon🏆: =)

Jump Boi: jfc Lee you're embarrassing me

Jump Boi: I can handle myself!

Leon🏆: yeah I know, Im just getting a little protective

Marnie: ah, I see Piers' overprotectiveness is rubbing off on you

Hot Topic Gay: h ey

Jump Boi: at least he's not being Like That in front of Victor this time…

Leon🏆: victor?

Leon🏆: oh right! your boyfriend!

Jump Boi: NDVS HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND

Leon🏆: he isn't?

Leon🏆: why don't you just tell him how you feel then?

Jump Boi: because I'm not into him like that??

Opal: Could have fooled me.

Hydration: really? I could've sworn I saw you two on a date at The Captain's Table just the other day

Jump Boi: we were just hanging out… jeez, can't two guys just hang out without everyone assuming they're gay?

Marnie: the way you look at him does not exactly scream "straight"

Flaming Heart: Ah, the sound of gay denial. A tale as old time. 

Hydration: and kabu would know because he, too, is as old as time

Cold as Ice: it's ok, Hop, don't let them get to you

Cold as Ice: you can take as much time as you need sweetie

Cold as Ice: after all it took my son years to realize he was gay!

Rock Solid: I'm… not gay, though…

Cold as Ice: huh

Cold as Ice: maybe it's taking longer than I thought it did

Babyface Bear: guys didn't Leon just tell us all to be nice to hop

Marnie: aw we're just teasing him a bit, surely his feelings aren't hurt over some friendly ribbing

Hot Topic Gay: _@Jump Boi_ hey are your feelings hurt

Jump Boi: yeah, a little bit

Hot Topic Gay: well damn

Hot Topic Gay: have you considered just not being such a pussy about it

Leon🏆: Piers!

Jump Boi: don't you have a concert to be at or something??

Hot Topic Gay: nah

Hot Topic Gay: I just got done with that, I'm just hanging out now, having a smoke

Marnie: ?!? Piers, you smoke?

Hot Topic Gay: oh yeah lol I guess my secrets out now

Babyface Bear: tobacco?

Hot Topic Gay: yes it's tobacco you piece of shit stoner

Jump Boi: can I bum a cig

Leon🏆: Hop!! No!!

Hot Topic Gay: sure, come to spikemuth

Leon🏆: PI E RS NO

Jump Boi: cool

Leon🏆: hop I will tell mom

TROGDOR: just show him that anti-drug PSA you starred in a few years ago that'll convince him

Jump Boi: he what now

Leon🏆: oh n o

Hydration: ohh yES

Leon🏆: nessa please don't

Hydration: [drugsrbadkids.mp4]

Leon🏆: I hate this

Jump Boi: I

Jump Boi: Lee how old were you when this was filmed?

Leon🏆: … 15…

Jump Boi: wow I never realized, but you looked way less cool when you were 15

TROGDOR: he tried so hard to make that beard work

TROGDOR: at least he got that eventually

Hydration: he also wasn't a very good actor

Leon🏆: actually I'm a fine actor, I just didn't care about that stupid commercial

Cold as Ice: sure, we'll go with that.

Jump Boi: pff that last line

Jump Boi: "Remember: Champions don't do drugs!"

Jump Boi: that is the cheesiest thing I've ever heard

Hot Topic Gay: really? The "you can have a champion time without any dangerous drugs!" right before that didn't win that contest?

Hydration: bringing the catchphrase into it is basically cheating, that makes anything like 10 times cheesier 

TROGDOR: Leon was, really, somehow both the best and worst person for that PSA

TROGDOR: sure he's a role model with a great, friendly public image but also we snuck away and lit up as soon as filming was wrapped

Jump Boi: Leon smokes weed?!

Leon🏆: only that once! 

Leon🏆: the chairman had made me do that psa and I was feeling rebellious

TROGDOR: yeah Leon doesn't follow orders

Hot Topic Gay: as someone who got with Leon a few times before he started dating Raihan

Hot Topic Gay: Leon absolutely follows orders if you know what you're doing 

Hot Topic Gay: if y'all know what I mean

Marnie: WHAT

Jump Boi: w h a t

Hot Topic Gay: AHHH FUCK NO I KEEP FORGETTING MARNIE IS HERE NOW

Leon🏆: DONT TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF IN FRONT OF HOP?!?

TROGDOR: wtf Piers so you're telling me that Leon would sub for you but he won't even let me top??

Hot Topic Gay: raihan I'm sorry you had to find out like this but if you can't get Leon to bottom for you you are probably just a terrible top

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New characters!  
> Jump Boi: Hop  
> Rock Solid: Gordie  
> I forgot to put Bea in this chapter but her chat nickname is gonna be Fighting Gold  
> And before you ask: I won't be adding Victor (or for that matter, Gloria) to the fic, even though they talk about him plenty in this chapter; unless they have a solid personality already, trying to write player characters in fanfics is a dangerous game


	3. BONUS CHAPTER: Anti Drug PSA Script

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had the art skills to draw a comic or something for this, but I don't. So I just wrote script for that anti-drug PSA from chapter 2
> 
> For best effect, imagine the boy totally overacting and the girl clearly not giving a shit

**"CHAMPIONS DON'T DO DRUGS"**

_Two cool looking teenagers, a boy and a girl, are walking in a park. Suddenly, the girl pulls out a bag full of Marijuana._

GIRL  
Hey, check it out.

BOY  
Woah! Is that Mary Jane? Real pot?

GIRL  
Yeah, all the cool kids at the party last night were smoking it and they told me it was super cool. I thought we should give it a shot.

_LEON, the undefeated champion of the Galar region, emerges from behind a tree._

LEON  
Not so fast!

BOY  
[Gasps] Leon? The undefeated Champion of the Galar region?

LEON  
That's right! And I'm here to tell you that drugs are bad!

_Leon walks up to the girl and takes the bag of marijuana out of her hand._

LEON  
This is some nasty stuff, you know. Drugs can and do kill.

GIRL  
But the cool kids said-

LEON  
Those kids aren't as cool as you think they are, and anyone who tells you that drugs are cool or fun isn't your friend. You can have a champion time without any dangerous drugs!

BOY  
Wow, Leon, I had no idea! 

GIRL  
Leon, what should I do if someone offers me drugs again?

LEON  
Firmly say no, and walk away! Then tell an adult you trust.

_Leon turns to look at the camera._

LEON  
Remember everyone, champions don't do drugs!

_The words "Champions don't do drugs" appear in text over Leon's head, and the screen fades out._

_END_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updates are probably gonna slow down a good deal now, i just had a lot of fun ideas and some free time the past couple days ='D


	4. Crushes and Pets

TROGDOR: guys I'm so tired

TROGDOR: you guys ever get that? when you're just tired like, in your soul

Jump Boi: you mean like when you're emotionally drained and start to feel dead inside but you have to keep pretending you're okay so your friends and family don't worry

TROGDOR: uhhh

Bubblegum Bitch: or like when you're tired of pretending you hate someone but you can't tell him the truth because you've probably already made him hate you even though you can't stop thinking about those stupid beautiful golden eyes of his and it just exhausts you to your core

TROGDOR: that was really really specific are you ok

Jump Boi: … what was that about golden eyes?

[Bubblegum Bitch] has left the chat

Opal: HAHA

[Opal] added [Bubblegum Bitch] to [League Hell]

Opal: You don't get to escape that easily, boy

Bubblegum Bitch: I didn't say anything, I was talking about someone else

Bubblegum Bitch: I don't like Hop if that's what you people are implying I would never sink so low

Jump Boi: that's fair

Leon🏆: Bede we didn't say anything…

Opal: Do you need to sit down for a minute Bede?

Hydration: it sounds like you might need to take a chill pill there m'dude

Sp00ky: ..hes definitely into hop…

Bubblegum Bitch: oh what did the fucking spirits tell you that, ghost boy?

Sp00ky: no you're just making it really obvious

Sp00ky: dumbass

Bubblegum Bitch: I am not going to just stand here and take it while a 12 year old calls me a dumbass

Sp00ky: I'm 13

Bubblegum Bitch: _whatever_

Jump Boi: Bede I'm real flattered but I don't think I feel the same way… sorry

Bubblegum Bitch: Okay! Cool! I don't care, why would I care? 

Bubblegum Bitch: I'm going offline now I'm going to take a nap goodbye everybody

Leon🏆: … is he okay?

Opal: He'll be fine

Hydration: that's just how teenagers be

Flaming Heart: Ah, the passions of youth. Almost makes me wish I could be young again.

Hot Topic Gay: you don't need to be young to have passion

Hot Topic Gay: melony's not young and she can still get it, she's Galar's premiere milf

Rock Solid: do you guys have to keep calling her that

Cold as Ice: They aren't wrong, y'know

Hot Topic Gay: Gordie's mom

Hot Topic Gay: has got it goin' on

[Cold as Ice] set their nickname to [Number One MILF]

Number One MILF: really I should be a GMILF by now but I guess my kids can't get it like I can :/

Rock Solid: I'm going to throw myself into the bay

Marnie: have fun

Number One MILF: take a jacket, its cold

Hydration: bring me back a magikarp

Fighting Gold: what on earth would you need a magikarp for?

Hydration: I want a gyarados

Leon🏆: i thought you already had a gyarados?

Hydration: I want one for battle, Mr. Fish is a pet

Marnie: you have a gyarados

Marnie: as a pet

Hydration: yeah? 

Hydration: he's super cute look I taught him to roll over

Hydration: [vid_2956.mp4]

Marnie: thats terrifying

Hydration: ughhh you guys just don't get Mr Fish's unique charms!

Babyface Bear: "unique" is... the right word

TROGDOR: i think he is cute!

Hydration: thank you!!

Leon🏆: well of course you do

TROGDOR: what do you mean? My pets aren't "scary" even by your standards

Leon🏆: yeah, but they would be if you were allowed 

TROGDOR: ok true

Jump Boi: ??

TROGDOR: my flat doesn't allow Pokemon over a certain size to be out of their Pokeballs indoors

TROGDOR: so I can't have a pet dragapult

TROGDOR: I've got an appletun tho, I made her her own Instagram

Marnie: oh yeah I follow that account!! She's a shiny isn't she??

TROGDOR: yeah! Leon gave her to me when she was an applin a few years ago bc he's a big sappy gay

Leon🏆: haha, guess I can't deny that

Sp00ky: are pets um

Sp00ky: supposed to be separate from your battling team

Sp00ky: it seems like all yours are

Sp00ky: my team is my pets

Fighting Gold: oh that's cute

Sp00ky: yeah

Sp00ky: we all have a little tea party every wednesday with polteageist

Sp00ky: but we have to remember to finish our tea because if you leave it there for a week or two it becomes a sinistea…

Fighting Gold: …

Sp00ky: there are 15 sinistea in my house

Sp00ky: I'm running out of teacups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda like Hop/Bede, sue me (and yes I know I already teased Hop/Victor. I don't actually know where I'm going with all this but I'm leaning towards the "ot3" direction)  
> Melony also kinda strikes me as a "i want grandbabies!!" kind of mom but that's just my headcanon fjsbsb


	5. Piers' Thirst Knows No Bounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a fair bit more sexual themes than other chapters have (and more than other future chapters will, probably). Not anything too explicit, probably not enough to warrant a rating bump, i think, but fair warning  
> Hope y'all like it!

TROGDOR: spendin some time at the gym today!

TROGDOR: [img_12852.png]

TROGDOR: WAIT NO 

TROGDOR: I SENT THE WRONG PICTURE OH NO

TROGDOR: ok I deleted the message

Hot Topic Gay: Raihan holy SHIT

TROGDOR: oh great piers saw it

Leon🏆: did you accidentally send a dick pic again

TROGDOR: m. maybe I did

Hot Topic Gay: merry fuckin christmas everyone Raihan is _packing_

Hydration: I suspected as much tbh

Hot Topic Gay: _@Leon🏆 @TROGDOR_ are you guys like, interested in maybe having a third person over sometime cause damn

Marnie: ewwww...

Hot Topic Gay: Marnie shh this is important

Bubblegum Bitch: yeah, Marnie, your brother's clearly trying to get laid have some respect

TROGDOR: piers you jack skellington motherfucker keep it in your pants

Hot Topic Gay: keep what in my pants I don't exactly have a dick to whip out

[Jump Boi] has been removed from [League Hell]

Hydration: ???

Leon🏆: he doesnt need to see this

Leon🏆: you thirsty fuckers

Babyface Bear: hey to be fair Piers is the only one bein thirsty

Hydration: we can get thirsty though

Hydration: if we're shooing out the kids anyways yknow

Marnie: I mean I'm still here

Rock Solid: shouldn't you be at school or something?

Marnie: mate why would I be at school I have a job now

[Leon🏆] added [Jump Boi] to [League Hell]

Leon🏆: he yelled at me til I let him back in

Hot Topic Gay: i think we're done being horny anyways

Hydration: Piers you're never done being horny

Hydration: in like 5 minutes you're gonna be texting one of us about how Kabu is a total gdilf or something

Flaming Heart: … gdilf?

Hydration: uhh

Jump Boi: are you gonna tell him what it means

Flaming Heart: I know what it means

Flaming Heart: but how old do you people think I am?

Hot Topic Gay: I dunno

Hot Topic Gay: 60? 

Babyface Bear: I'd guess about 55

Flaming Heart: _I am 47_

TROGDOR: w h a t

Number One MILF: you're younger than me??

Number One MILF: makes me feel a bit better about my wrinkles actually

Flaming Heart: I don't even look that old! I just went gray a bit early...

Hot Topic Gay: oh

Hot Topic Gay: ok so you're like dilf aged then

Flaming Heart: I'm not a dilf. I don't have children

Fighting Gold: what about that girl who came to visit you from hoenn last year?

Flaming Heart: Flannery? She's my niece 

Hydration: I think that just makes you a silver fox then

Hot Topic Gay: one hell of one, too

Flaming Heart: … I'll accept that.

Hot Topic Gay: ;)

Flaming Heart: Not you

Hot Topic Gay: ;(

Number One MILF: if you're that desperate, Piers, you could go out with Gordie

Rock Solid: mom!!

Rock Solid: are you really trying to set me with piers? the guy who looks like he hasn't slept in 3 years and lives exclusively off a diet of heroin and cigarette ash?

Hot Topic Gay: hey, I don't do heroin

Number One MILF: You could stand to get out with someone sometime

Rock Solid: I can find my own dates, jeez

Number One MILF: and when was the last time you found yourself a date?

Rock Solid: …

Hot Topic Gay: I mean I'm down

Hot Topic Gay: I'm free tomorrow if you want to get lunch or smth

Rock Solid: ... eh sure fine why not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Piers is trans you won't convince me otherwise  
> I also got the headcanon that Flannery is Kabu's niece from another fanfic, but I can't remember which one or who wrote it. If you're reading this whoever it was, thanks! Your fic was good  
> Also, do Piers and Gordie have a ship name? Has anyone else shipped them at all? Cause I'm almost certain that Punkrockshipping has already been used but it would be literally perfect if it were free


	6. (Almost) Party Time

Marnie: soooo Gordie

Marnie: how's it going with Piers?

Rock Solid: I think he wrote a song about me

TROGDOR: a day after the first date?

Hydration: that is classic Piers tho

Rock Solid: yeah it's on his soundcloud, he put it up at like… 5am this morning

Hot Topic Gay: yeah I didn't sleep much last night what else was i supposed to do

Rock Solid: you always write and record songs when you can't sleep?

Marnie: he does, actually, and it usually keeps me from getting any sleep either

Rock Solid: I'm already having second thoughts about this relationship

Hot Topic Gay: how can you be so sure the song's about you though

Rock Solid: for starters, it's titled "big beautiful man"

Hot Topic Gay: you're not the only hot fat guy in Galar y'know

Rock Solid: yeah but what other ones do you hang out with?

Hot Topic Gay: uh… rose?

Jump Boi: Rose isn't hot

Hot Topic Gay: oh, poor young naive hop

Hot Topic Gay: when you get older you'll learn that having enough money makes anyone hot

Leon🏆: please don't teach my little brother bad life lessons

Hot Topic Gay: why not? I've been teaching Marnie bad life lessons for 14 years and she's fine

Babyface Bear: you guys think there's gonna be a league holiday party this year?

Babyface Bear: y'know, since rose… y'know

Opal: mmm, I don't know. That new chairwoman doesn't seem like the partying type.

Bubblegum Bitch: oleana throws parties

Bubblegum Bitch: … i always got shooed away when they happened though

Bubblegum Bitch: I don't think they're the kind of parties you invite coworkers or kids to

TROGDOR: I'm. Not going to ask

Hot Topic Gay: Opal and i wouldn't be invited anyways though right?

Hot Topic Gay: since we aren't actually league employees anymore

Opal: Rose would have invited us anyways.

Hot Topic Gay: he totally would have

Hot Topic Gay: man, rose was great

Leon🏆: do I have to remind you guys that he could have destroyed all of galar?

Jump Boi: he awakened an ancient, destructive monster?

Leon🏆: it almost killed me? I was in the hospital for like a day afterwards?

Hydration: yeah but rose was still a cool boss

Hydration: he'd always buy me dinner when he was in town

Babyface Bear: he was always real nice to me!

Babyface Bear: he'd smile at me and put his hand on my shoulder n stuff

Hot Topic Gay: yeah he was a bit of a flirt

Babyface Bear: … flirt?

Hot Topic Gay: yeah but one time I actually tried to flirt back and the coward backed off

Hydration: that's because you were drunk, and he wasn't hitting on you at the moment

Hot Topic Gay: this is revisionist history, nessa, and I won't stand for it

Hot Topic Gay: I mean yes I was drunk but he was totally flirting

Flaming Heart: All he did was ask if you were feeling alright and if he needed to call a taxi to take you back to Spikemuth...

Number One MILF: and if I'm recalling that night correctly you were most definitely not ok and you absolutely did need a taxi

Leon🏆: yeah that was a wild office party

TROGDOR: makes me sad we might never get to have one like that again 😔

Leon🏆: well, maybe we could

Leon🏆: we could throw our own party!

Leon🏆: and piers and opal and hop can all be invited!

Hydration: can I bring Sonia?

Leon🏆: sure!

Flaming Heart: where and when would this be, exactly?

Leon🏆: uhh

Leon🏆: hey hop you think mom would let us have it at home?

Jump Boi: I dunno, probably not

Jump Boi: don't you have an apartment or something we could hold it in?

Leon🏆: no? I just camp out wherever I find myself at night

Jump Boi: ??? You're telling me you've just been homeless for these past ten years???

Leon🏆: ...y'know I never thought of it like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do they celebrate Christmas (or any real world religious holidays, generally) in the Pokemon world? Probably not! Is that going to stop me? Never! =D  
> I'm not sure if it's ever mentioned what became of Oleana postcanon, I didn't see anyone mention it, so fuck it she's the new CEO  
> I've also noticed a pattern of people portraying Rose as a real scumbag but I didn't get that impression from him at all. He seems like a slightly loose-moraled, but generally nice and well-meaning guy. All he did was try to solve the energy crisis. I'm a Rose apologist


	7. (After) Party Time

TROGDOR: what the hell happened last night

Hydration: the holiday party happened

TROGDOR: yeah i remember that much but like specifically?

TROGDOR: like how am I going to explain this to my landlady?

Hot Topic Gay: blame the alcohol

TROGDOR: somehow I don't think she'll like that explanation

TROGDOR: even if this fuckin… killer headache n shit is telling me it's accurate

Leon🏆: look you knew the risks when you agreed to host the party

TROGDOR: ok sure I was expecting a mess but i had no reason to suspect I'd end up with a hole in the wall, some kind of mysterious stain on the carpet, my coffee table is broken and oh yeah _my bathroom door is gone_

TROGDOR: not broken, it's gone

TROGDOR: what the fuck, guys?

Sp00ky: ...I can get you a new door

TROGDOR: what the hell did you do with the first one?!?

Jump Boi: Bede punched the hole in the wall

Bubblegum Bitch: what?! I wouldn't do that!

Fighting Gold: no, that's right

Jump Boi: he also tried to kiss me

Fighting Gold: thats also true

Bubblegum Bitch: … uh

Fighting Gold: I didn't drink any last night so I have a pretty clear memory of these things

Jump Boi: yeah same

Sp00ky: me too

Marnie: same here

Leon🏆: well… that's kinda reassuring, at least we kept the kids away from the alcohol

Leon🏆: except Bede I guess, that's not great

Opal: Oh, it's not like a bit of eggnog killed the boy.

Marnie: well sure he's alive, but at what cost?

Opal: actually, he only got maybe a little bit tipsy. There's no way he doesn't remember anything.

Bubblegum Bitch: I don't remember last night. Not a thing. I'm not even sure I went to this party.

Jump Boi: You can't live your whole life in denial, you know

Opal: He can and he will

TROGDOR: yeah okay bede's in love with hop we get it now what happened to my coffee table?

Fighting Gold: Piers broke it

Marnie: yeah he sat on it while trying to flirt with gordie and it broke and it was hilarious

Hot Topic Gay: oh is that why my ass hurts?

Rock Solid: you got one shitty coffee table, raihan

Rock Solid: like, surely you can afford a better one?

TROGDOR: I've. been avoiding going to ikea

Leon🏆: well, now you've got the perfect excuse, we can go tomorrow

TROGDOR: wait, why are you talking like we live together?

TROGDOR: wait, why are you even using the group message for this? You passed out on my couch, you're still here

Leon🏆: well uh

Leon🏆: … I'm in a bad way

Leon🏆: my voice sounds like I was gargling gravel all night

Jump Boi: well you did drink a lot

Leon🏆: oh god

Jump Boi: it's ok, you didn't do anything too embarrassing

Jump Boi: but you did hug Raihan and start crying because you loved him so much, and you didn't let go of him for literally like 5 minutes

TROGDOR: awww Leon babe you did that?

Leon🏆: well it. sounds like something i'd do

TROGDOR: one last thing though

TROGDOR: what happened to the carpet?

TROGDOR: it kind of looks like dried blood and it's creeping me out

Sp00ky: some mysteries are best left unanswered 

TROGDOR: i don't like that

Hydration: well it's not mine… or sonias, I don't see any mysterious cuts on either of us

Jump Boi: oh yeah how is sonia? she didn't show up at the lab this morning

Hydration: she's still asleep

Jump Boi: well tell her we have shit to do

Hydration: hop I'm not gonna talk that way to my girlfriend

Flaming Heart: Just let the woman rest.

Jump Boi: science doesn’t rest

Hot Topic Gay: shut up nerd

Leon🏆: Piers!

Hot Topic Gay: sorry, couldn’t resist

Jump Boi: … you’re right, but you shouldn’t say it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah and here's to a new year, full of new beginnings, endings, trying to keep things together, sometimes failing, and probably some more people trying to explain to me, a trans person, how to realistically write trans characters! I probably won't see you guys before the new year, but I hope this has been enough to tide y'all over til then <3  
> And before you ask, I won't reveal what happened to Raihan's bathroom door or his carpet, except that the thing with the door was a team effort


	8. Chapter 8

Jump Boi: _@Hot Topic Gay_ piers I have to ask you something thats been bothering me

Jump Boi: how do you get your hair to do that?

Hot Topic Gay: do what?

Jump Boi: y'know, like… exist? the way it does? with all the spikes n stuff?

Hot Topic Gay: determination

Marnie: hairspray and gel

Marnie: lots of it

Hot Topic Gay: that too

Marnie: you pretty much need a gas mask to go into Piers' room because the air in there is like 90% hairspray and cocaine

Hot Topic Gay: for the last time there is no cocaine in there, stop looking

Hydration: is that why you always seem to be broke?

Hydration: did you spend all your gym leader money on hair gel and coke?

Hot Topic Gay: no!

TROGDOR: unbelievable, didn't you even watch leon's psa?

Babyface Bear: Do you get a bulk discount or something?

Hot Topic Gay: it's not actually that expensive

Marnie: the hairspray or the coke?

Hot Topic Gay: the hairspray, marnie

Hot Topic Gay: for starters it's not like I do my hair up like that everyday, if I'm not going anywhere important I just leave it down or put it up in a normal ponytail

Hydration: I can't even imagine what all that hair looks like down, holy shit

Marnie: he looks like the girl from the ring

Number One MILF: piers what are you going to do with that mess if you have to attend a formal occasion??

Hot Topic Gay: what kind of formal occasions would I be going to?

Number One MILF: well, what if you get invited to a wedding?

Flaming Heart: Somehow I don't think that's anything he needs to be concerned about anytime soon.

Hydration: Yeah, none of his friends seem close to getting married

Babyface Bear: there's Leon and Raihan

Leon🏆: I think we’re too young for that kind of commitment…

TROGDOR: and we’ve only been dating for about a year

Opal: Too young? You're 20. When I was your age, I had already been married for two years.

Bubblegum Bitch: yeah but that was like, prehistoric times, when the plague killed everyone when they were 30 anyways

Jump Boi: that’s. not really how the history goes

Bubblegum Bitch: shut up nerd

Number One MILF: Opal, i didn't know you're married?

Opal: That's because I'm not anymore, he's long dead

Number One MILF: oh

Number One MILF: I'm sorry to hear that

Opal: don't be, he was an asshole.

Bubblegum Bitch: you didn't kill him, did you?

Opal: Don't be ridiculous, child, I couldn't. You should know by now that fairies and poison don't exactly mix.

Bubblegum Bitch: I didn't say anything about poison..?

Opal: Well, anyways.

Flaming Heart: I'm not sure we should drop this topic, this seems important

Opal: I said, **_Well, anyways._**

Opal: I don't see anything wrong with getting engaged after a year together.

Opal: It would get Leon off the streets, too.

Leon🏆: you guys are really blowing the whole "homeless" thing out of proportion

TROGDOR: i think he's just decided to move in with me anyways

Leon🏆: what are you talking about?

TROGDOR: well you passed out on my couch after the party and you haven't really left my flat since

TROGDOR: and when you have to leave you always come back as soon as you're done

Leon🏆: … I guess you have a point

TROGDOR: I don't really mind, but like, you could've asked first

Leon🏆: sometimes it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission

Leon🏆: incidentally, I'm bringing back my old hat collection from postwick, hope that's okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know, even though strange hairstyles are par for the course for Pokemon, Piers stands out because everyone else in Galar- besides Sordward and Shielbert- has pretty reasonable hair, but Piers is out there looking like Rapunzel's emo phase


	9. Hop and Bede

Jump Boi: you guys holy shit i

Jump Boi: i just got offered an internship with another professor

Jump Boi: in Kalos

Leon🏆: Kalos??

Hydration: holy crap hop thats awesome!!

Hydration: have you talked to Sonia about it yet?

Jump Boi: yeah, she says she thinks it would be a great opportunity! I didn't want to leave her without an assistant, but she insisted she'll be fine

Jump Boi: I think I really want to do this

Leon🏆: Kalos is pretty far away hop

Hot Topic Gay: another piece of wisdom from our adored champion: other regions are far away

Leon🏆: look you'd be worried too if Marnie suddenly decided to move countries 

Hot Topic Gay: ...yeah you right

Leon🏆: I'm just saying he won't know anyone there, he won't know his way around at first, like hop people are going to notice you're not from around there, maybe bad people, are you going to be safe??

Jump Boi: Lee you can calm down

Jump Boi: I dunno if you remember this? but a little after the whole thing with eternatus I caught a pretty cool pokemon, she's a giant dog with a sword

Jump Boi: so I think I'll be safe from criminals

Jump Boi: and I don't think I'll have too much trouble finding my way around y'know, unlike Some People here I'm not rubbish with directions

Leon🏆: ok, ok, good points

Leon🏆: just keep me updated ok?

Jump Boi: ok, I will

Jump Boi: jeez.. what are you, my dad?

\--

[Bubblegum Bitch] has 1 new message from [Opal]

Opal: Well?

Bubblegum Bitch: well what??

Opal: Are you just going to sit there quietly and let him get away?

Bubblegum Bitch: yes?

Bubblegum Bitch: it's not like there's anything I can do, he's going to Kalos and that's his choice

Opal: Which is exactly why you need to go for it now.

Bubblegum Bitch: he already knows, he already told me no

Opal: Maybe he'd react differently if you were just honest to him?

Bubblegum Bitch: oh my god FINE if it'll get you to leave me alone

\--

Bubblegum Bitch: hey everyone time sensitive question if hypothetically a guy you liked was maybe about to leave the country and you wanted to tell him how you feel how would you do that

Bubblegum Bitch: asking for a friend

Jump Boi: ...um?

Marnie: Bede that's a real flimsy excuse, you don't even have any friends

TROGDOR: give him an Applin

Bubblegum Bitch: and where would I obtain an Applin?

TROGDOR: ive got a couple if you want one of those

Bubblegum Bitch: cool cool id love that, unrelated question _@Jump Boi_ where are you right now?

Jump Boi: the lab in wedgehurst

Bubblegum Bitch: ok cool stay there for a bit

Jump Boi: uh, bede?

Bubblegum Bitch: just give me a minute okay?

\--

[Leon🏆] has 1 new message from [Jump Boi]

Jump Boi: Lee I need help

Leon🏆: why?? What's wrong are you okay?

Jump Boi: Yes I'm fine but I'm pretty sure Bede is about to try and confess to me and I don't know what to do

Leon🏆: oh

Leon🏆: I'm sorry I can't help you

Jump Boi: seriously?? you have the most experience with relationships of anyone I know!!

Leon🏆: look, hop, just because I'm dating Raihan doesn't mean I know how I got here, much less how to turn someone down

Jump Boi: I didn't say I wanted to turn him down…

Leon🏆: then just tell him how you feel?

Jump Boi: yeah i. I guess I should

Leon🏆: did you really need me to tell you that? Isn't "saying how you feel" like rule number one of communication?

Jump Boi: gimme a break, I'm 15 I'm still figuring life out

\--

[Bubblegum Bitch] has 1 new message from [Jump Boi]

Jump Boi: bede? can we talk for a sec?

Bubblegum Bitch: can it wait a second, I'm almost there

Jump Boi: you don't have to give me that applin bede

Jump Boi: firstly I don't think it counts if you didn't catch it yourself but that's not the important part

Bubblegum Bitch: oh

Bubblegum Bitch: I understand, I'll go home

Jump Boi: that's not what I'm saying

Jump Boi: the Applin is unnecessary because you're pretty cute and you're not the nicest guy sure but you're still my friend and it's kinda endearing how obviously smitten you are so

Jump Boi: yeah you don't have to bribe me with a cute pokemon, if you wanna go out im willing to give this a shot

Bubblegum Bitch: ah

Bubblegum Bitch: I 

Bubblegum Bitch: what about kalos?

Jump Boi: oh, I'm going to kalos

Jump Boi: but I don't actually have to leave until the fall

Bubblegum Bitch: oh

Bubblegum Bitch: well in that case I should probably go give raihan his applin back…

Jump Boi: you can still come to the lab first

Jump Boi: and maybe once I'm done with my work we can go back to my house? hang out for a while?

Bubblegum Bitch: … I think I'm down for that

\--

Marnie: so i just saw Hop updated his relationship status on facebook to "In A Relationship"

Marnie: anything you wanna tell us Hop? 

Jump Boi: it's Bede

Bubblegum Bitch: ,,yeah

Opal: Aw, congratulations, boy, you finally did it.

Leon🏆: aw! I'm so happy for you two!!

Leon🏆: I also wanna remind bede real quick it would be a really bad idea to do anything to hurt my little brother!

Bubblegum Bitch: um. are you threatening me

Leon🏆: oh no, i wouldn't dream of threatening someone, that would go against everything the champion is supposed to stand for

Leon🏆: on a completely unrelated note, did you know a charizard's bite is more than strong enough to crush a man's skull?

Jump Boi: Lee pl ea se

Bubblegum Bitch: I get the message, leon

Leon🏆: Good =)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little bit different than my usual style for this fic... I hope it wasn't too confusing or anything, haha  
> First, I'd like to say that this might read a bit weird because it was initially meant to be the final chapter. But it's not, I changed my mind, there will be more eventually. I am, however, going to try and take a break to focus on more "serious" writing.  
> Also, sorry I didn't go through with the Bede/Hop/Victor; the more i thought about it, the more I realized it just wouldn't work for this fic. Plus I think I like Hop/Bede more anyways


	10. New Arrivals

[Leon🏆] added [Toxic] and [Sharp Dressed Man] to [League Hell]

Hot Topic Gay: who the fuck

Leon🏆: Klara and Avery

Leon🏆: I met them in Wedgehurst yesterday

Toxic: yeah, he was trying to find the Pokemon lab 

Toxic: which was a little weird cause it was like, right there?

Sharp Dressed Man: Yes, it was pretty much a straight line from the station to the lab

Leon🏆: … don't be mean 

TROGDOR: why are they in the pokemon league chat though

Leon🏆: they said they wanted to be gym leaders one day

Rock Solid: ok so you let them in because they want to steal our jobs

Toxic: well when you put it like _that_

Sp00ky: you're not getting my job

Sp00ky: I won't lose it 

Sp00ky: and by the time I retire you'll be long dead

Leon🏆: Allister they're not really that much older than you

Sp00ky: I know

Sp00ky: =)

Bubblegum Bitch: Leon you told us allister wasn't a murderer

Marnie: leon you lied

Marnie: you lied to the children of galar, leon

Hot Topic Gay: allister's not gonna kill anyone, he's just being an edgy 13 year old

Hot Topic Gay: I went through an edgy phase too and have committed zero murders

Marnie: the fuck you mean "phase" you're still an edgelord

Hot Topic Gay: I'm NOT edgy, I'm PUNK there's a DIFFERENCE

Rock Solid: babe I hate to say it but you're pretty edgy

Hot Topic Gay: I'm being fucking cyberbullied

Hot Topic Gay: by the only two people I've ever trusted, no less

Hydration: see piers that's exactly what we're talking about, that is an edgy statement to make

Hot Topic Gay: what are you talking about?

Flaming Heart: You don't think claiming you don't trust any of your friends besides your sister and your boyfriend is just a little edgy?

Hot Topic Gay: well, I don't

Babyface Bear: we trust you, Piers 

Hot Topic Gay: … really?

Babyface Bear: yeah! You're our friend, after all! 

Number One MILF: we know you've got a good heart, hidden somewhere under all that hair, otherwise I never wouldve let you go out with Gordie

Rock Solid: mum I'm 24 you don't control who I go out with

Rock Solid: but Piers really is a good person at heart

Flaming Heart: If nothing else, it says something that he's so supportive of Marnie

Sharp Dressed Man: Isn't Piers the one who hired his friends to cheer on his little sister?

Toxic: that's good brother-ing if I've ever seen it

Hot Topic Gay: does everyone know about that?

Hot Topic Gay: it was kinda supposed to be a secret that Team Yell were my guys...

Marnie: it was painfully obvious, piers, from the start

Marnie: did you really think i wouldn't recognize your friends just cause they had a pink stripe painted on their face?

Marnie: one of them plays the drums in your band. Did you think people wouldn't recognize your drummer?

Hot Topic Gay: well

Hot Topic Gay: yeah

Hot Topic Gay: she usually isn't exactly front and center

Jump Boi: I didn't recognize any of them, if that makes you feel better

Hot Topic Gay: it does a little bit, actually

Jump Boi: but then, I don't really listen to your music… it's too loud for me

Hot Topic Gay: well damn ok then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what I've learned from my brief attempt to write "serious" fics is that I should probably stick to comedy. I'm glad to be back!


	11. Happy Valentine's

TROGDOR: anyone here got any valentine's plans? 

Leon🏆: oh, I've got plans

Leon🏆: ;)

Jump Boi: Lee, gross

Jump Boi: I don't have plans

Jump Boi: … I probably should shouldn't I

Bubblegum Bitch: I have a couple of ideas…

Leon🏆: be sure to use protection

Jump Boi: LEE

Leon🏆: Champions Don't Do Drugs is out, Champions Practice Safe Sex is _in_

TROGDOR: that's a lie and you know it

Leon🏆: …

Leon🏆: well so was the thing about not doing drugs but I'm trying to be a role model here, raihan

Leon🏆: and does it really matter if we're only doing it with each other anyways?

Hydration: wait, are you talking about the sex or the drugs now?

Jump Boi: I hate this conversation more than anything

Marnie: you aren't setting a very good example for us kids, leon

Leon🏆: ,,,I know

Leon🏆: I know, I'm sorry

Hot Topic Gay: unbelievable, leon, being such a bad role model, in front of my little sister no less

Leon🏆: piers you snorted cocaine on stage and you’re calling me a bad influence

Hot Topic Gay: ONCE. i did that ONCE.

Hot Topic Gay: ugh you guys are never gonna let me live that down

Marnie: wait w h at when did this happen

Hydration: wasn’t it like two years ago?

TROGDOR: yeah, it was a couple months before lee and i first got together

TROGDOR: it was just a wild-ass concert

Hot Topic Gay: yeah, violet even smashed the guitar at the end

Marnie: … but violet's the drummer, not the guitarist

Hot Topic Gay: yeah

Hot Topic Gay: guitarist was real mad about that

Marnie: jfc

Marnie: piers I knew your concerts could get rowdy but I had no idea shit like that happened?? 

Hot Topic Gay: well yeah, they only happen at the concerts you aren't at?

Hot Topic Gay: I'm not gonna let my little sister see me doing shit like that, I'm supposed to be a responsible legal guardian or whatever

Marnie: that's nice of ya piers but I have much always known you do drugs

Hot Topic Gay: I actually quit after the concert cocaine incident so :/

TROGDOR: wait, you did? 

TROGDOR: why are you still so pale and skinny then?

Hot Topic Gay: way to broach that topic politely, rai, you don't have much of a filter do you

TROGDOR: it says so right there in the caption of all my selfies

TROGDOR: #nofilter

[Hot Topic Gay] has left the chat

TROGDOR: he'll be back

Rock Solid: he said he hates you and your jokes

TROGDOR: lmao nice try, no one hates me 

Hydration: gordie are you with piers rn?

Marnie: he is, they're sitting on the couch and gordie is in my spot

Rock Solid: if you didn't want me to sit here you shouldve said something like, two days ago, it's my spot now

Marnie: naw I think it's still my spot cause I fuckin live here and you don't?

Marnie: although you wouldn't know that from how much you're around lately

Marnie: aren't you like, needed in circhester or something?

Rock Solid: it's mom's turn to run the gym this year so, no

TROGDOR: you should probably ask Piers formally if you're gonna move in with him y'know

TROGDOR: dont pull a leon

Rock Solid: I'm _not_ trying to move in 

Marnie: coulda fooled me

Marnie: he probably wouldn't mind if you just asked him yknow

Rock Solid: no, it's not like that, I've got my own flat in Circhester, we've just been spending a lot of time together ok?

Rock Solid: I guess it's kinda starting to get serious

Number One MILF: ooOOH GORDIE IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

Rock Solid: you're just happy it's working out cause it was your idea aren't you

Number One MILF: … Well,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small edit: I kinda forgot that there's already someone named Viola in the Pokemon universe (the bug type Kalos gym leader) which is weird, since I've played gen 6 like 3 times. Anyways, because of that I changed the name of Piers'drummer from Viola to Violet, just to avoid any confusion


End file.
